31 Flavors

A thousand apologies for the kitschy title. I couldn’t resist.

For no good reason other than entertainment, and the fact that I love lists, I made a list of random things you might not know about me.

Hey! If Oprah can have lists, why can’t I?


  1. I answer to an array of nicknames incuding, but not limited to, “Poopie”, Ambergesa”, “Lady BeauFontaine”, “Craig Tippie”, “Bombie”, “Bammer”, “Google Search Bar”, “Twiggy”, “Trusty”, and “Lammer Lynn”. I am not sure if these nicknames say more about me or the people I’m close to?
  2. I hate talking on the phone. In person I can hardly shut up. On the phone- pretty much always awkward.
  3. My family and close friends know that I am a bad driver. What they don’t know is that  when I’m by myself I’m actually a really good driver. Unfortunately, I have no way of ever proving this.
  4. I keep an immaculate home. I don’t do dirt, I don’t do dust, and I don’t do clutter. I’m always telling my best friend how my house is “such a mess” and she always knows this to be untrue.
  5. I am a better singer than I am a dancer. This is not saying much. I do both anyway.
  6. My best feature: long eyelashes.
  7. My worst feature: (How much time do we have?) Tankles, lame hair, gums that show too much when I smile, a prominent nose, a pinhead (I can never find hats or sunglasses that look right. The struggle is real), a slight baby paunch…I could keep going, but really fat ankles tops the list. There’s just nothing I’ll ever be able to do about that.
  8. Place I most desperately want to travel: Scotland.
  9. The only famous people I have ever been told I resemble are Jerry Seinfield and Mayim Bialik. So…that sucks.   image
  10. Quality I most appreciate in others: Honesty and a Ready Wit.
  11. Quality I most dislike in others: Narcissism and Passive Aggression.
  12. I have kissed exactly 7 gents in my lifetime. And one dolphin named Soku. Sparks flew. Emotions ran high.
  13. My drink of choice is whiskey on the rocks. A perfect sipping drink.
  14. My dream scenario job is to be a published author who moonlights as a stagehand on SNL. Because I just want to watch brilliance being hatched.
  15. I subscribe to the idea of “Major on the Majors, Minor on the Minors”- in marriage, in parenting, in most areas of life.
  16. I don’t have a sweet tooth, I have a carb tooth. No one seems to acknowledge this as a real problem.
  17. I secretly (openly) love Taco Bell. I’m not proud, but it is what it is. If you need to  know the perfect trifecta to order there, call me and I’ll walk you through it. There is a system. There are Taco Bell food groups.
  18. I work out all the time, but I am neither athletic nor sporty. I am perpetually trying to lose weight. In high school, I was on the cheerleading and bowling teams. I was always slightly embarrassed about both, but only because of the stigma attached to each one, not because I actually thought they were lame. If you aren’t aware of the bowling team stigma, it’s that they’re nerds. Everyone already knows the cheerleader stigma.
  19. Speaking of high school, I was voted Best Sense of Humor in my senior class.  So clearly I went to a very small high school.
  20. If I could use a famous-person-free-pass it would be with Chris Hemsworth or Ryan Gosling.
  21. If Husband could use a famous-person-free-pass it would be with Carrie Underwood (totally get it) or Anna Paquin (Seriously? I don’t know why, but that one bothers me.)
  22. Neither of us would ever really use a famous-person-free-pass.
  23. I wear a lot of V-neck shirts. My sister wears a lot of crew-neck shirts. This makes her the more appropriately clad daughter in my mother’s opinion.
  24. If you give me even the smallest opening to make fun of you, even the slightest bit of ammunition, I simply cannot pass up the opportunity. Letting things slide just isn’t my jam. Don’t take it personally, it’s actually how I show affection. (You should see how I make out.) (See what I did there?)
  25. I have 2 recurring dreams: 1) That my friend Poopie and Amy Poehler pick me up from the airport in Amy’s car and we all laugh hysterically the whole way home, just like I always knew we would.  2) That Husband abruptly and nonchalantly announces over dinner one night that he is leaving me for Angelina Jolie. And then he tells me to get over it and pass the potatoes. I am equal parts destroyed and enraged by this news and I try to scream, but I can’t make any sound come out.
  26. I grew up a pastor’s kid. This often gave people a predisposed opinion of me and more often than not it was way off base.
  27. I always make the bed. Even if it’s late in the afternoon and no one will ever see it anyway. I just have to.
  28. I can mimic any facial expression.
  29. I believe in hospitality– in making people feel welcome not just in my home, but in my life.
  30. I’m a voracious reader. I like a lot of historical fiction. It seems that this contributes to my usage of antiquated words and phrases and my friends always make fun of me for it. I recently used the phrase “Don’t darken my door” and they nearly ate me alive for it. It doesn’t always pay to be well versed in old people lingo.
  31. I believe that a strong faith and a good sense of humor can get you through just about anything in life. 


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