In Which Husband Exacts His Revenge

Remember how proud I was of myself a couple of weeks ago when I tricked Husband into thinking I was pregnant? I know, I still haven’t forgotten it either. It was some of my best work, after all.

You may also remember that I’d become resigned to the fact that I would now have to live out the rest of my days in fear. For surely Husband would be exacting his revenge soon. Or maybe not soon at all. I would not put it past him to let it lie for a year. Just long enough for me to start relaxing and forget alllllll about how I ruthlessly pranked him with the belief that I was all kinds of pregnant and would be adding to our family come December.

In true Husband style, he would find the irony in the situation by actually adding to our family.

It was poetry in motion. On wheels.

One might say I got off lightly, considering this latest addition was the mechanic variety and not anything living, breathing, or furry.

So…as fate would have it, this thing is part of my life now.

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In all honesty I’m not even mad about it.

I’m fairly certain where all of this started. When we made our big escape to the coast over spring break we rented a cabin at a really cool location right on the beach that also happened to be an RV park. Maybe it was the fact that our family hadn’t had any relaxed alone time in months, or maybe it was that 3rd glass of wine, but as we sat on the sand watching the kids frolic I commented on how “fun it would be to have a trailer or an RV” and how “we could do this all the time.”

I honestly can’t even fathom that those words came out of my mouth. I have never been into trailers. We’ve been camping an exact total of 2 times since we had our first child eight years ago. And one of those times we bailed after one night. I’ve always been highly suspicious of my best friend’s desire for a trailer. “WHY?” I would ask her. I just didn’t see the point.

Don’t get me wrong. We are not yuppy campers. Or maybe we are? Maybe that’s exactly what trailer owners are? But we are certainly not high-maintenance-prissy-folk. We camped all the time pre-kids. After all, we do live in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where there are countless mountains, meadows, trails and lakes. We even like to get out and see them with our own eyes from time to time.

But once our kids came on the scene, they were so high maintenence until the age of 2 that the thought of taking them out into the woods and zipping ourselves into a small dome tent with them for days on end made me want to club myself over the head.

I mean, hey, I like to live dangerously and everything but I’m also not a total idiot. My version of living dangerously is cooking bacon on extremely high heat in a pan that spatters. That s*@t is scary.

As soon as the words “It would be fun to…” left my lips I felt Husband sit up straighter and prickle with excitement. I didn’t know it yet, but in that exact moment the train had already left the station. We sat in the sand and talked about how the place we were staying was “so fun!”, and how if we had a trailer we could stay at other really cool places for a fraction of the price of a hotel or cabin. Maybe even Disneyland! The possibilities were endless.

Knowing, as I do, that Husband is a financial planner I should have had the foresight never tempt him with the idea of economic traveling. Now I’ll never make it on that dream trip to Scotland…

Unless it’s in our new 32 foot trailer.

We talked about how it would be an investment in our family and in making memories, and how the kids are at perfect ages for something like this. They are still little and quite easily impressed, but also old enough to make traveling quite do-able. Enjoyable even. We were on a high from the night before when we got to watch non-cartoon movies like What About Bob with the kids and teach them how to play boardgames like Yahtzee.

Which is so clearly a harbinger of greater things to come.

We stood up, dusted the sand off our clothes, and Husband began quietly plotting while I proceeded to forget all about it.

It wasn’t even 3 days after returning home that we were chatting on the phone one afternoon and for some reason I had the distinct impression he was up to something.

“Where are you right now?” I asked him.

“Just in town.”

Red flag! My subconscous was beeping like a forklift in reverse. Something was most definitely up. 

“That’s a vague answer.” I said. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing!”

Well this could take all day.

When all else fails, be direct. I’m a firm believer in that.

“Where are you?”

“A trailer park.”

Aha! I knew it!

“Just come look at one.” he pleaded.

Now, I should point out that this is the moment at which I became party to his schemes. This was Mistake Number One. He knows me and I know him and we both know that once I “just look” at something it’s basically a foregone conclusion.

Exhibit A.

Scouty.

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Lord knows I can’t even handle it with puppies. And apparently we can now add trailers to that list.

Long story short, we tromped around two different lots while he brainwashed me with his voodoo magic, showing me a number of lovely new trailers, knowingly saving the best for last.

He played me like a fiddle.

“Now, this one might not even work, babe. I’m really not even sure if my truck can tow it.” he says.

Rule Number 1 of Sales: Make them think they can’t have it. Everyone knows it’s reverse psychology…or something like that. 

So naturally I step inside said trailer and immediately lament, “Well. That’s a shame because this one is perfect.” Mistake Number Two.

He said it probably wouldn’t work with our towing capacity, and we’d keep looking, really take our time, and blah blah blah.

Again, we left, and I proceeded to put it out of my mind entirely. Mistake Number Three.  

It was exactly 16 hours later that he called me on the phone and said in his best “Tah-Dah!” voice, “Well, you get to go pick up the trailer that you wanted next Friday! Surprise!”

Oh really.

He almost had me thinking it was my idea. This is where Husband is better than me. Or maybe I am better than him. Either way- he knew it’d be easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. He also knew that in order for his plan to work, he had to get the exact trailer that I wanted. Lastly, he knew me well enough to know that I really did in fact, want a trailer.

Who knew.

Last weekend we loaded up and took our maiden voyage in Husband’s revenge-wagon.

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And we loved every minute of it. We got outdoors. We actually spent quality time together cooking, playing ball, snuggling up, and roasting marshmallows. The kids thought it was maybe the best thing that had ever happened to them.

Even Scouty loved it- although you’d never know it by his face.

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That’s actually his guilty-side-eye face because dog farts.

 

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