Humiliation can come in many forms for a third grader, but apparently I was in rare form yesterday because all it took to humiliate my third grader was to walk her into her classroom in my slashy workout pants.
It is the second time this school year that I have worn these pants. I know this because the first time I wore them to drop her off, some boy teased her all day about it. “What was your mom wearing? What’s up with those pants? Why are they all slashy? That’s so weird.” Etc. etc. etc.
Kids are jerks, man.
She came home mortified, and reported the entire conversation to me verbatim. She was torn between embarrassment on her own account and defensiveness on my account. I told her this kid didn’t know what he was talking about, that my pants were awesome, and that she should just tell him that if he ever brought it up again.
I forgot all about it until yesterday when I accidentally wore the pants again. In my own defense, I drop my kids off at school on my way to the gym so it’s not like I wear yoga pants everywhere just for the sake of embarrassing my kids. (Don’t be silly. I do it because they’re comfortable. And functional.)
It seems that because of this second infraction I am now the worst ever, it was the buzz of the entire third grade classroom, I’ve brought shame on our family, I am an inconsiderate dresser, and I must never do it again.
These little turds wouldn’t know a good pair of Lululemons if they were hit in the face with them. And besides, I thought the whole embarrass-your-children-phase wasn’t really a thing until puberty. What gives?
Our children spend their toddler years quoting us, pointing out our flaws, and saying things to strangers in the produce aisle that make us wish the ground would open up and swallow us whole- and it all gets magically stricken from the record just because of their innocent little cherub cheeks, their cute pot bellies, and their tiny little diapered bottoms.
But the second you wear the wrong kind of pants to school drop off, you will never live it down. You will forevermore be the mom who wore the slashy workout pants.
Welcome to motherhood. Nothing is fair.
* This is Day 16 of a 31 Day series on Keeping It Real. You can find all of the posts in this series here. I hope you follow along and join the conversation! *