Why Writing Is Turning Me Into An Introvert

I’m afraid October is going to kill me dead.

We’re halfway through the month and this writing challenge to produce words on the page for 31 days straight. I’ve written some stuff I’m really proud of, and I’ve written some stuff that made me want to cringe and poke myself in the eye with the blunt end of a pencil. I knew when I signed on for this that every day wouldn’t be my best work, but if anything it’s an exercise in discipline.

I think everything I’m doing this month is about discipline, actually. Between the writing, the no-joke workout regime, the strict food plan, and the whole part where I’m a wife, mother, cook, and chaffeur too- is all either going to make me a way better version of myself or it’s just going to kill me dead. It really could go either way at this point.

This month we also have two trips out of town, three birthdays in the family, two big projects going, and exactly one day this that is reserved for relaxing. I have roughly 7 reminders in my phone each day to help me stay on track with everyone’s schedules.

A friend texted me yesterday, “Why are you ALWAYS so busy?! I miss you!” and it bummed me out. It’s true. I have kind of fallen off the grid a little bit this month. I don’t want to be off the grid. I’m very much an ON THE GRID type of person.

I’m normally pretty extroverted and socially outgoing. I enjoy being around people and rarely go a week without making a point to hang out with friends. But a weird thing is happening. I think writing is turning me into an introvert. I haven’t planned a morning coffee date, a girls night, or even an after-school park playdate in weeks.

The thing with writing is that it’s somewhat of an isolating hobby. It requires quiet. It requires time and space to think. It requires solitude. Clearly as a naturally extroverted, busy mom in charge of two little humans, I’m either over-ambitious in my writing goals or I’m just a huge dumb-dumb. Because now I just feel conflicted all the time.

I’ll snag a few precious hours to myself and be seriously torn as to whether I should call up a friend and make plans to hang out or if I should run home, throw on some yoga pants, and type frantically until something decent comes out.

Maybe I’m just a confused ambivert. I did read once that that’s an actual thing. Maybe that’s why I’m so conflicted all the time now.

I think deep down I’ll always be an extrovert. I think it’s just that October is literally bananas and I’m just doing my best to keep my head above water. I think I’ll always be a person who loves people but also loves to be alone and write every so often.

So to all of my friends and family and acquaintances and to anyone anywhere whom this might apply to: Please don’t give up on me. I’ll be back on the grid soon. I just needed to dip below the surface for a while to get some s*** handled, that’s all. I’ll pop back up soon. Promise.

If October doesn’t actually kill me dead, I’ll catch you on the flip side, okay?

image* This is Day 15 of a 31 Day series on Keeping It Real. You can find all of the posts in this series here I hope you follow along and join the conversation! *

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