- I assign too much meaning to things. Most things. (hashtag enneagram 4 problems). I’m learning that sometimes it’s okay to just take things at face value. A good day, a bad day, a shift in someone we love or even within ourselves, it doesn’t all need to be weighted down with extra meaning. What a relief.
- I doubted it for a while there, but writing is still the thing that makes me feel the most like myself. Whenever I go extended periods of time without writing as an outlet, even just for myself without an audience, I get weird and twitchy. After not writing publicly for almost a full calendar year, On New Years I sat down to keep my annual practice of writing a very detailed and very unfiltered Letter to Myself (to be opened on the following New Years.) Two days, 9 hours, 2 wrist cramps, and over 20,000 words later (not an exaggeration), I was done. Writing a letter to myself, you guys. I guess it’s not good for me to go so long without writing.
- I am more of a hippie than I thought. I’m endlessly fascinated with the body and all the ways we inhabit it, particularly as women. Sexuality, sensuality, intuition, creativity, motherhood, connection, all of it… I’ve been devouring books on embodiment, listening to podcasts about holistic wellness, and deep diving the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. The more I learn, the more I know I have to learn, and at this point I’m just embracing the the wonderful and complex mystery of the body/mind connection. Lately a lot of my sentences begin with, “This might sound a little woo-woo but…” and I’m just going to quit doing that. I AM woo-woo! I like woo-woo. No more disclaimers on my own words.
- Anxiety breeds in the mind but it EXISTS in the body. Related: ANXIETY ALWAYS MAKES SENSE, even when it doesn’t “make sense”. It’s a fact in our bodies. The body will often register stress, anxiety, or danger before the mind does, trying to get our attention with an activated nervous system. Worries that loop in our mind. A hand that shakes or breath that catches. A clenched jaw. Sleep issues or digestive issues. When we can be curious and compassionate towards our anxiety instead of judgmental or harsh, it actually helps alleviate it. Another thing that helps? Completing the stress cycle in our bodies EVERY DANG DAY. It could be a workout, a good ol fashioned cry, sex, cooking, going for a walk, stretching and meditation, snuggling a pet- the options are endless. Just wake up your body and then follow the senses. Stay with it until you’re able to step out of that mental loop that we all get stuck in sometimes.
- My faith feels both prickly and tender at the moment. Like it’s expanding and contracting at the same time. Maybe that’s growing pains?
- I want to honor my intuition more in 2021. As a natural empath and a big-feelings-person I often minimize or rationalize a sudden feeling in my gut or more often, in my body. Raised hairs. A strong suspicion about something or someone. But you know what? One of the things that struck me most while reflecting on 2020 was how many times my intuition ended up being DEAD ON. I’d like to listen to that little check in my spirit a lot more.
- Rest is actually productive. Full stop.
- 2020 made it hard to stay open. Last year I wrote about how I wanted to walk into a room, what energy I wanted to bring, and it was these 4 things: Calm. Confident. Warm. Open. Each of those words has held different meanings and challenges for me at different times, but OPEN was the hardest one for me in 2020. I’d been burned and experienced deep loss in the friendship department. As result I became guarded and maybe even paranoid in some relationships. After doing a lot of processing and healing, I think I am ready to open back up again. That feels good.
- Cleaning house, cooking food, and painting my nails, have all become meditative practices. Maybe that sounds dumb. I don’t think it is. Anything that helps us shut our minds off, drop into our bodies, and simply create beauty is a welcome respite in these intense times.
- We are not in the middle years of parenting anymore. Slowly and all at once we seem to have transitioned into that last leg of the race, when you realize you only have a few more years left with them under your roof. That they are already semi-fully-formed humans, and it’s no longer just about teaching them please and thank you and safety when crossing the road. Now it’s about preparing them to move through the world on their own soon. The stakes have never been higher, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare me to send my babies off into a world that feels so uncertain, but also? I refuse to parent from a place of fear. The point?Keep an eye on the horizon for those sweet middle years, man! They will sneak up on you and then they will fly by. And you know what I mean by “middle years”- its the period AFTER wiping their noses + bums, when they still want your affection, accept your word as fact, can communicate their feelings with WORDS, but also, like, don’t need deodorant or car keys yet. You know. THOSE years.
- I do my best processing in the hot tub. Its my secret weapon for getting grounded in my body when my mind is buzzing. Its where God and I do our best talking. It’s where my husband and I do our best talking too and actually, now that I think of it, the steamiest summer of our marriage started in that hot tub. The point? I’m officially kicking any mom-guilt around hot tub time to the CURB.
That’s it! That’s what January taught me!
What’s giving you life right now? Can you get rid of any unnecessary guilt around it?
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