Confessions Of An Honest Dad: On Battling Back The Fear

I make a lot of confessions here, but for a long time I’ve wanted to share confessions from the male perspective. Seeing as how that’s impossible to do myself, I’ve been waiting for the perfect chance to outsource. That perfect chance presented itself when out of the blue, my good friend offered to write a piece for me. He knew exactly what he wanted to write about and it was perfect for the blog.

It was a bit of a trick, actually, because after we worked out the details and shook on it he informed me this meant I would obviously have to do a bit of public speaking for him in return. Ah. So that’s what just happened.

Regardless of what I may have gotten myself into, I’m so excited to be sharing my space today with Brant Boersma. Brant is the kind of person who’s charismatic personality, passion for life, and positivity naturally draws people in and encourages them. His words below are an important reminder that part of being a human is overcoming fear.

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My wife and I have three daughters, all significantly different, and all incredible. Teya Rose, Presley Shae, and Violet Wiley. My babies. I could carry on about how proud I am to be their dad, but if you have kids of your own then you already know what I mean. Parenting changes everything. You get that.

As a father to three girls, I keep hearing how I should be afraid of the coming teenage years. There’s stress over meaningless things, an unrivaled sassiness, a constant dissatisfaction and lack of gratefulness, and to top it all off: PUBERTY. Hormones kick in, periods happen, and things get awkward. And let’s not forget those effing teenage boys…

It’s true- all things considered, the teenage years do sound scary, but all in, life is just scary. Doubts, disappointments, uncertainty, failing, not being “enough”- these are all things that don’t depend on age or gender.

I’m talking about human things, I guess. 

Wilson, my dog, has it all figured out.

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Totally carefree, the dude sleeps all day, then randomly does his power laps around the house for a workout before he tries to intimidate the UPS man for some mild entertainment. He lives a simple yet adventurous life. No worries, no doubts, no fear. Wilson is ruling at life.

I, on the other hand do have fears. I’m human after all.

I was afraid in 2010, when we were pregnant for the third time. I always think it’s funny when that’s how it’s said- “We’re pregnant.” As if I had any of the heartburn, nausea, discomfort, or aversion to smells. I have never been pregnant, never birthed a human, never had to wear stretchy pants (okay fine. I’ve worn stretchy pants). My wife has been the pregnant one, all three times. I did get the amazing opportunity to plant that baby inside her, and I can tell you that sex is awesome, but that’s for another time.

So “we” were pregnant. Having two daughters already, this was not our first rodeo, although everything about this pregnancy felt different.  The way she was carrying the baby, the new cravings, the way the baby moved nonstop- it was all the polar opposite of the previous pregnancies. We were convinced this baby was a boy.

Now, I know ‘girl’. I don’t know ‘boy’. I actually kind of like being the only dude in our house- makes me feel like a king. So when that baby turned out to be a girl and little Violet Wiley came into the world all bright-eyed, I could not have been happier. Honestly, having a boy would have been super rad, but it would have scared the crap out of me.

Only having daughters, my privilege is simple, really. Through all the craziness that is life I get to do two easy and incredibly amazing things.

First, I get to love the heck out of their mom. Passionately and patiently, it is my duty to show these girls what it’s like to be head over heels in love. If you’ve ever met my wife then you know that she is amazing and she makes it easy for me to smother her with kisses and adoration. My intention is that my girls will see this, probably get grossed out a little bit, but mostly remember how much their dad was all about their mom.

Secondly, I get to just love these amazing little girls of mine. My job is to make sure that they are confident- that they are certain they’re cared for and loved no matter what the situation. Love ’em, love ’em, love ’em- so when the day comes (and it will) that they choose their person, they never settle for someone who will treat them any less than the queens they are.

Now, I’m a mere mortal, so I don’t always do this perfectly but I do practice as often as possible. I find that if I focus on showing them the magic that love is, I am battling back any kind of fear. I want to be with these beauties for all of my life, but I know that my time with them is limited.

So I choose not to entertain the fear, but instead to enjoy the growing relationships I have with each of my girls.

When people find out I have three daughters they remind me that those teenage years are going to be brutal. Usually I agree with them for the sake of conversation, but I find that it only feeds the fear. When I entertain thoughts of how hard it might be, it feeds my fear that I will fail them.

From now on I’m just going to tell the truth: that I get to grow with my girls throughout their entire lives, and while that in itself is challenging, I gladly take it on.

I’m not afraid, I’m actually loving it.

Look at them. These chicks rock.

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2 thoughts on “Confessions Of An Honest Dad: On Battling Back The Fear

  1. Phil

    Brant,
    You and Amber are doing a great job raising your girls. They are always happy and friendly. You can tell how they act around you that they love their dad too. Keep up the good work.

  2. Lexi

    As a woman who was raised by a very good dad (a dad who also only had daughters), I just want to say: your choice to love them and their mom this way makes a big difference! Watching my parents together instilled in me a belief in love and healthy relationship, and my dad’s love gave me a unique sense of confidence. (My mom’s love too, of course!) Rock on 🙂

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